LightBulb Jokes

How many does it take to screw in a light bulb on DS9?
one-Rom
two-Odo and Kira
three-Worf, Jadzia, and Dax
Quark how many do you want, One strip each

What do you do with an old light bulb?
feed it to a Horta

Q. How many Borg does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. One, but the whole collective enjoys the experience.

Q. How many Romulans does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
A. 151, one to screw the light-bulb in, and 150 to self-destruct the ship out of disgrace.

Q. How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Approximately 1.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001

Q. How many Cardassians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A. One - but there are *four* lights!

Q. How many umtssers it takes to change a lightbulb..
A. two? One to change the light bulb and another to complain that the whole light bulb is off topic for this newsgroup?

Q. How many BORG does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. All of them.

Q. How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb? ..?
A. None. Darkness is irrelevant. Lightbulbs will be obsolete in the new order.

Q. How many BORG does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Light bulbs are irrelevant. Darkness is irrelevant, Changing them is futile.

Q. How many BORG does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. They don't change the light bulb, they assimilate it . . .

Q. How many CARDASSIANS does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Four, because THREE...ARE...FOUR...LIGHTS...!!!

Q. How many FERENGI does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None of your business, huu-mahn !!!

Q. How many CARDASSIANS does it take to change a light bulb?
A. We don't need a light bulb, but if we did, we could take it from you!

Q. How many BAJORANS does it take to change a light bulb?
A. The filthy Cardassians took our light bulb!

Q. How many KLINGONS does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Burned out light bulbs have NO honor. And a true Klingon Warrior is not afraid of the dark!

Q. What happened to the KLINGON who did change the light bulb?
A. He was executed for cowardice.

Q. How many TRILLS does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Both of them.

Q. How many BETAZIODS does it take to change a light bulb?
A. I sense it has already changed.

Q. How many ROMULANS does it take to change a light bulb?
A. We have been gone for a while, but we have returned to change it.

Q. How many Q's does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Here now, wouldn't you rather have this nice supernova?

Q. How many ODO's does it take to change a light bulb?
A. I will change INTO the light bulb.

Q. How many TRIBBLES does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 1,561,772 .......uhh, 73..., ummm, 74..., 75....

Q. How many PROPHETS does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Light bulbs are disruptive... intrusive....

Q. How many FERENGI does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Depends. How much?

Q. How many ORGANIANS does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, they glow in the dark.

Q. How many CARDASSIANS does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Just one; however they first have to determine how many light bulbs they see.

Q. How many FERENGI does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two: one to change it, and the other to sell the old bulb as an antique.

Q. How many FERENGI does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two:one to change it and one to sell the old one as new

Q. How many FERENGI does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None: they'll just sell the whole lamp to some young Starfleet Ensign.

Q. How many FERENGI does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Just one, but he'll charge you double for it.

Q. How many FERENGI does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Ferengi Never change!!

Q. How many FERENGI does it take to change a light bulb?
A. For the right price, as many as you want.

Q. How many FERENGI does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None...they steal it and sell it for profit

Q. How many KLINGONS does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, they need a Cardassian to figure it out for them.

Q. How many KLINGONS does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. Klingons can fight in the dark

Q. How many ROMULANS does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two, one to do it, and another to kill the first one and take the credit

Q. How many ROMULANS does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three: one to change the bulb and two to guard him so the Federation doesn't steal the secret.

Q. How many Q's does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One. He holds the light bulb and the universe revolves around him.

Q. How many Q's does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Change it into what?

Q. How many ORGANIANS does it take to change a light bulb?
they ARE the light bulbA. .

Q. How many VULCANS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One: Any more would be illogicalA. .

Q. How many WESLEY CRUSHERS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None. He's that good.

Q. How many HOLODECK CHARACTERS does it take to change a light bulb?
A. They ARE the light bulb. And the coffee table. And the door mat...

Q. How many EMPATHS does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Well, the bulb has to really want to be changed.

Q. How many Klingons Terrorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two: One to put it in, and the other to kill the first one. But the first one died honorably

Q. How many Romulans does it take to change a transtator?
A. Two: One to change the transtator and the other to blow up the ship in disgrace

Q. How many STAR FLEET officers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to change the light bulb, and the other to die shortly after they beam down.

Q. How many STAR FLEET officers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. none, it would be interfering with the natural development of the light bulb

Q. How many federation scientists does it take to replace a light bulb?
A. Six. One to fill out the environmental impact statement, One to fill out a cost analysis, one to request the light bulb, one to do a labor study, one to do a post installation followup study, and one to follow up on the follow ups. A robot actually replaces the bulb.

Q. How many WORFS does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two: one to point a phaser at it and the other to changing it!!!

Q. How many TAMARIANS does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Sylvania, when the lamp failed.

Q. How long does it take Data and Rayna Kapec to screw in a light bulb?
A. Your guess is as good as mine> (Rayna Kapec is the android built by Flint)

Q. How long does it take Data and Deanna to screw in a Light bulb?
A. Till she passes out.

Q. How many Vulcans does it take to screw in a light bulb
A. Two but it is an illogical waste of effort to construct a light bulb for such a purpose

Q. How many TRIBBLES does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One but all you have to do is feed it

Q. How does a TAMARIAN say the light bulb is burned out?
A. Sylvania, when the lamp failed.

Q. How many NANITES does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but how did they get in there?

Q. How many Founders does it take to change a light bulb?
A. All of them, but they change it into a human.

Q. How many Pakleds does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They need Geordi. Geordi is smart.

Q. How many Vidians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. They don't change it, they just graft on the parts they need from one that still works.

Q. How many V'ger Probes does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but it first has to merge with Thomas Edison.

Q. How many Starfleet Engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. If you run a phased inverse tachyon burst through the main emitter array grid and multiplex it with a subspace standing wave locked back into a diagnostic mode filter, you'll bleed off most of the static warpfield instabilities through the higher verteron harmonics of the decchyon field and get at least another 60 Watts out of the old one.

Q. How many Voyager crewmembers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Wait 'til next week and the bulb won't be burned out any more.

Q. How many Voyager crewmembers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Shouldn't they have run out of light bulbs A LONG TIME AGO?!?

Q. How many genetic supermen does it take to change a light bulb?
A. They've been asleep for 200 years -- give 'em a break! They didn't know it was burned out!

Q. How many HOLODECK CHARACTERS does it take to change a light bulb?
A. They ARE the light bulb. And the coffee table. And the door mat...

Q. How many HOLODECK CHARACTERS does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. The light bulb can't exist outside the holodeck .

Q. How many Ferengii does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two. one to steal a new one, the other to go sell the broken one.

Q. How many Romulans does it take?
A. We were gone, but we have RETURNED to change it!

Q. How many Pakleds?
A. Well, first they have to kidnap Geordi to make him tell them which way in the lightbulb is supposed to go........

Q. How many Q's?
A. "Really, such a trivial task! Here, have a whole bank of flourescent lights instead!" (snaps fingers)

Q. How many Voyager crewmembers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Slap in a holographic bulb, with its own armstrap to keep it functioning outside a holodeck...

Q. How many Voyager crewmembers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Make some new bulbs out of all the shuttle-debris they must have accumulated by now...

Q. How Many Cardassians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Four, One to know how to, One to interorgate the one who knows how One to give the orders, and one to be told to do it.

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Last Changed: Sunday 03rd August 1997

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