Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Subject: Re: Why did the chicken cross the road?

ANNA WARMAN  wrote:

> You may have seen this before.  Apologies if you had.  For those of you 
> who haven't, it's quite a giggle.

> WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

And then some other UMTSSers added their own...

Spock:     The question is most illogical. I fail to see why any rational being
           would take the time and energy necessary to ponder this question.

Kirk:      But Spock, ... you see ... that chicken ... that chicken HAD to
           cross that road.  It was inevitable. It's that ... that desire to
           explore new worlds ... to face one's destiny ... to look to the
           future ...  it's that spirit that binds all creatures of this
           universe into one ... one living, breathing organism that will
           continue to grow, to ... change ... from now to eternity.

McCoy:     How in the hell should I know why some damn chicken would want to
           cross some damn road! I'm a doctor, not an animal psychologist! But
           I'll tell you this: if that chicken did cross that road, she didn't
           make it. No, she's dead, Jim.

Charlie X: Because it didn't want to STAY...STAY...STAY...

Scotty:    Well, you see, Cap'n, that wee chicken was giving it all she's got.
           She couldn't go any faster across that road!

Uhura:     Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can ask it, sir?

Sarek:     Forgive me, but I cannot answer that, for my logic fails me where 
           chickens are concerned.

V'Ger:     To join with the Creator.

Picard:    Dammit, that's not for us to answer! It's her fundamental right 
           as a sentient being to determine the time and manner by which she
           travels towards her goals!

Riker:     Chicken?! Crossing the road?! What the HELL is going on?!

Data:      I do not have enough information to accurately predict why a chicken
           would want to cross a road. I can only calculate that the probability
           of a chicken crossing a road as opposed to remaining in one place or
           moving in a different direction would be approximately 57.4738498%.
           However, I can give approximate responses as others might have
           answered this question in the past.  For example, Plato would have
           said it was for the greater good, whereas Karl Marx would have
           considered it an historical inevitability. Machiavelli would have
           responded it was so that its subjects would view it with admiration,
           as a chicken which had the daring and courage to boldly cross the
           road, but also with fear, for who among them had the strength to
           contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the
           princely chicken's dominion maintained. Thomas de Torquemada would
           have stipulated, "Give me ten minutes with the chicken, and I'll
           find out." Timothy Leary would have slowly said, "Because that's the
           only kind of trip the Establishment will let it take ... "

Troi:      It was running...running from...no, escaping...oh, Captain, it was
           fleeing from such PAIN!

Lwaxana:   To meet the handsome rooster on the other side.

Crusher:   I can't determine any medical reason the chicken would cross the
           road, but perhaps it had family on the other side. There are many
           reasons for an animal to behave this way. Perhaps we could talk
           about it over a cup of tea, Jean-Luc.

Wesley:    I'm not sure, but I can figure it out if I reroute these systems
           and reconfigure the warp field and run a complete internal
           whootchacallit on the computers and...

Barclay:   Uh, chicken?! Where?! C-c-c-ommander, did I ever mention my
           p-problem with small feathered things?

Worf:      The chicken had to cross the road to avoid shame! It would be
           dishonorable for it to remain when it could confront life like
           a warrior.

The Borg:  Crossing the road is irrelevant. The chicken will be assimilated.  

Tasha:     That depends...was it...fully functional?

Picard:    There are FOUR lights!

Q:         Wouldn't you like to know? Too bad your puny human brain wouldn't be
           able to comprehend the answer.

Sisko:     I don't care WHY it was crossing the road! All I want to know is 
           why it left the coop! There is only so FAR that my tolerance will go!

Odo:       I don't know, but if the chicken crossed the road, it was up to no 
           good. I'd better investigate.

The Grand
Nagus:     Stupid chicken! You don't cross the road all at once!
           You sneak across it quietly, without anyone noticing! Inconceivable!

Sisko:     It was seeking deeper meaning. Jake, do you see what we've learned
           from all this?

Jake:      Check out the babe that just came off that transport!

Dax:       To get to the other side. Kurzon might have disagreed with me, Tobin
           I'm sure wouldn't have had a clue, and then there's...

Janeway:   I know it's weird for a chicken to cross a road with no reason, 
           but for a chicken, weird is just part of the job.

Chakotay:  I don't know, but I can tell you an ancient legend of my people
           about a similar bird who crossed a deep chasm between two rocky,
           snow-covered mountains. This warrior bird was very angry, and the
           only way it thought it could obtain peace was to cross that chasm.
           It was captured by a very wise, very beautiful female bird who ...

Janeway:   Enough, Chakotay. Your bird is not crossing my chasm!

Neelix:    Actually, Captain, I'm not really familiar with the chickens in
           this quadrant. But, if you can catch it, I can cook it.

HoloDoc:   How should I know? No one tells me anything around here. I
           didn't even know we added chickens to the crew.  All I know is that
           it would have been nice, BEFORE the chicken went off to the cross
           the road, if it had remembered to turn me off!
      
Tuvok:     That's not a question we'd prefer to hear from a senior  officer.
           It makes the junior officers nervous.

Kes:       It was remembering back to the times when its ancestors crossed
           roads all the time! They lost those abilities because they stopped
           using them!

Quark:     Must have been a sound profitable venture, either that or Odo
           was walking toward's him.

Rom:       i i i it was nothing to do with me, it was my brothers fault.

Kira:      Was it a Cardasian chicken? If it was I'd tear it's wing's off
           and boil ity alive, then I'd.....

O'Brien:   Look, I've got this power conduit to fix on deck 17....ask Keiko.

Khan:      With my last breathe I *spit* at the chicken!

Crusher:   I'll need to run more tests before I'm certain.

Garak:     To make some clothes because she is NOT a spy.

Dax:       It wasn't her, it was her symbiont.

O'Brien:   To get away from Bashir.

Tasha Yar: Captain, I recommend extreme caution, this chicken could
           compromise the security of the ship.

Morn:                              .

Chekov:    Ah, I believe this is an old Russian joke about a chicken from Moscow.......

Red-shirt: Don't worry sir, I'll get the chicken....aaaaarrrrgggghhhh!!

Kai Winn:  The chicken crosses the road because it is the will of the Prophets.

Gul Dukat: I don't know, but she WILL be stopped.

Hugh:      She did not wish to stay on the one side.

Hugh:      Because she is lonely. We are also lonely.

Bashir:    She enjoys it. She actually gets some perverse pleasure out of it.

Garak:     Because she knows when to quit.
           That's why I'm alive when all my friends are dead.

Data:      "It's a pavement Sir, population one. A chicken"
Picard:    "You mean it isn't crossing the road?"
Data:      "No Sir, the chicken is most definitely on the pavement"
Picard:    "It's the Borg, They went back in time, changed history.
           Prevented the chicken from crossing the road. We must follow them
           back.  Repair whatever damage they've done!"

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