BORG Jokes

I am ... of Borg,
You will be ...

These have been sent in by umtssers, or nicked from people's sigs...

Q. How do we know that the Borg are superior?
A. They have superconductivity. Resistance is futile.

They may have cable, but they don't watch TV.
They don't lose their socks in the wash.
The females of the species don't feel the need to shop, spend money, or have emotional crises.
They didn't elect Ronald Reagan.
Q. How can you tell the difference between a Borg and a Jehovah's Witness?
A. a. The Jehovah's Witness knocks and waits.

b. The Jehovah's Witness is not entirely certain in his beliefs.
c. You can get rid of the Jehovah's Witness.
Q. Why did the Borg cross the road?
A. To assimilate the other side.

Q. How do you confuse a Borg?
A. Put the nanomolecular assembler off his left arm and the sonic screwdriver off his right arm against the wall, and tell him to take his pick.

Q. Do the Borg reproduce?
A. You live in a boring black square cube with no TV, no beer, and no room to play sport. What would you want to do?

Q. How do you encourage the Borg to reproduce?
A. Give them borgasms (then let them plug and play.)

Q. How do you discouraging the Borg from reproducing?
A. Give them kids. ('Tidy your wallslot! Plug your pipes in properly!')

Q. What do you call a Borg playing tennis?
A. Bjorn Borg. Man, what a good back-appendage-shaped-like-a-racket it used to have.

Q. If a Borg is ill, how do you diagnose him?
A. Intel Inside. The 'I am Pentium of Borg, you will be approximated' announcements are a dead giveaway.

Q. Have the Borg had successful careers outside showbiz?
A. As chefs in fast-food chains ('Borg! Borg! Borg!') You never eaten a Borger at Borger King?

Q. Did you hear that the Borg assimilated South Africa and gave it racial equality?
A. Yes, but now no-one wants to visit Johannesborg.

Q. What happened when the Borg assimilated New York?
A. The crime rate dropped, the pollution dropped, tourism is up, and the taxi drivers still don't speak English.

Q. Paris?
A. Black has never gone out of fashion.

Q. How do you destroy the new starship "Titanic" (NCX-48654)
A. With a Nice Borg!

Q. Why did the Borg cross the Road?
A. To assimilate the Chicken.

Borg - the NETWORK is the COMMUNITY.

Borg - being a ruthless conscience-free race out to enslave the universe means never having to say you're sorry.

Borg - more dangerous than ActiveX but with even more convenient(to-the-plot) holes in their defences.

Borg - see what happens when you leave NT intranets to their own devices after building motion control into the kernel?

Borg - aggressively multiplying nanotechnology on board!

Borg - assimilation doesn't kill people. resistance kills people.

At 1200:
I am Tony Blair of Borg. You will be assimilated.
At 1205:
I am Tony Blair of Borg. Our policy vis-a-vis assimilation has now changed. You will NOT be assimilated.

At 1200: I am John Major of Borg. We will NOT put VAT on assimilation. At 1205: the Tories put VAT on assimilation.

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Last Changed: Sunday 03rd August 1997

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